I'm back...

It's been so long since I've blogged here. Things are so different than they used to be. Master & I have been thru hell and back but we still have each other. Master thought it was best that I get away from blogging and reading other blogs due to the unrealistice idea that they can somehow teach US how to be the perfect submissive couple. We were both so new into the lifestyle and had eager eyes and tried everything imaginable. I learned alot about myself as a slave and Master as my Master.

After failure after failure upon failure to compete with some of the other slaves, we both realized that we can't compete. Everyone is different in this lifestyle. One slave told me that when I first started blogging & got into the lifestyle. Thank you Married Man's Fuck Toy. You were right, we had to find our OWN way.

One thing we have realized is that the long list of rules I had were just not realistic. Sure...in the beginning, I could do MOST the tasks, but I would end up being punished some way or other for not being able to complete them all. We also had duties that we didn't practice. We decided to cut them out also. My duties are now simple, concise & clear. To SERVE my Master the best I can.

I'm not a masochist & I don't have a high tolerance for pain. I used to beat myself up for not being able to do the things other slaves could do. I couldn't sit still & be spanked with canes & whips. I would yell out my safe word within the first 30 seconds of discipline. I always felt like I was disappointing Master. I'm still not able to do the "fisting" thing as some of you slaves are able to do. No matter how hard I tried. I couldn't bare the pain. I started getting ANGRY at Master and myself for not being able to complete the tasks. I would have temper tantrums & get into more trouble. It finally dawned on us, that this is OUR life. We can't compare ourselves to anyone else. Just because Tracey down the street is able to do things that I can't, it doesn't mean that I don't serve my Master to the best of my abilities. Taking a break away from this place was the best thing I could have ever done. I have grown to be mature in the lifestyle. I take what someone else is doing with a grain of salt. I can never be them, & they can never be me.

Master & I have grown so much closer as tragedy has been rampart in our lives within the past year. I know that i'm treasured by him and it feels so good. I've written in my diary my progress. Hopefully someone else new in the lifestyle will stumble upon my blog & I can be of assistance to them. It has taken me a long time to realize that it's not about me, it's about Master & as long as I make him happy & do my best, he'll always be proud of me.

~DovesCagedBird~